In appreciation of the gentle man

Women have been busy for centuries to become inspirations for artists. And I know that the reader may have followed me in diaries when I wanted to be inspiring, and a wife for an artist, but in reality I was trying to avoid the latter result – and do the task myself. I found in the messages I received from women, what Dr. Rank, the psychoanalyst, described as a feeling of guilt towards creativity. It is a very strange illness, it does not affect men – because of the culture that urges him to give his utmost talents. The culture encourages him to become a skilled doctor, a great philosopher, a senior professor, and a talented writer. Everything is truly planned to push him in this direction. This has not been asked of women so far. In my family, as in any family probably, they simply expected me to marry, to be a wife, and to raise children. But not all women have the ability for this role, and sometimes, as Dr. H. Lawrence said, they do not do it in an appropriate way. "We do not need more children in the world, but we need hope." That is what I intended to do, and I adopted the mixture within me. Because Baudelaire told me long ago that inside each of us there is a man, a woman, and a child – and the child is the one who always gets into trouble. Psychologists always confirm what poets have said long ago. Do you know, that even the pathetic, malicious Freud once said: "Wherever I go, I find a poet in front of me." That’s why poets say we have three personalities, one of which is the child's imagination that remains with adults and somehow contributes to the formation of the artist.