Message from Beijing

I cannot return to my bed. I wonder if passion dies after the husband dies and the woman becomes a widow? Or does the body live, crying out in a grave? But Gerald has not died yet. He lives with his details in my memory. Here he is; in our house. He comes home at night, eats, sleeps, and wakes up again. He looks at the same moon that is shining now outside my window. I remember his body, and hot blood runs through my veins. Does my desire and my body's longing reach him? He has not died, he is definitely still alive, and he certainly knows what I desire. Yes; he knows that I am standing here beside the window, looking at the moon, and my soul soaring above the fog? It is a spring night. Here I am with memories, and here I am remembering... Since our first passing in this house, we managed to make our love an eternal love. We were not yet married. And now I write this; although I have never revealed this secret of ours before, and he has not either. I am sure he has not revealed our secret. He always said he loves no one but me, and he will remain in love with me no matter what happens; that is why he never told anyone what happened between us. Maybe I acted badly, but I am happy now with what I did and chose.